Miracles DO Happen!

“You are the God who performs miracles.” Psalm 77:14a

Do you believe in miracles?  Let me tell you, I sure do!  I have seen them happen countless times.  God has been so faithful to me and to my family that I have come to almost expect miracles to happen.  Sure, I have my moments of doubt – we all do.  But at the end of the day, I know that miracles have happened to me and I know that more will happen to me in the future.

My biggest miracles are the ones that come through both of my children.  Clay’s mere existence is a miracle.  I couldn’t get pregnant, and Donnie and I had tried for so long.  Then He blessed us with Clay.  Then Clay’s first several years of life were pretty scary.  He had some health problems, which included a problem with his blood, which led us to finding out that his belly was so acidic that lots of food hurt him.  Then when he turned 3, God blessed us with a miracle of calming his belly down enough that we could stop all the medication he was on.  We still needed to avoid acidic food, but that was no big deal compared to what we had been dealing with so far.

Then Cora’s existence in our lives is a miracle too.  This little girl, born thousands of miles away from us, God orchestrated and created her for our family, and He formed our family just for her.  She is meant to be here.  She is perfectly designed by God to be Clay’s little sister, as well as be just the daughter God needs for us to have.  Her personality and even some very quirky things about her are exactly like me.  We share no DNA whatsoever, but this little girl is a whole lot like her Mommy.

And as you know, since Cora came home over 2 1/2 years ago, she has been dealing with a lot of medical problems.  She was diagnosed with Periventricular Leukomalacia (or, PVL), and we were told she was considered “moderate to severe”.  We were told that she would never walk, run, or dance.  She would never lead a normal life.  She even went on a few months later to getting a feeding tube because she can’t regulate her hunger cues or work her muscles correctly to eat and drink an appropriate amount.  That was a tough year for us, but with God sustaining us, looking back, we see all the miracles that occurred.  Six months after her PVL diagnosis, she took her first steps, and within no time, she was running.  As I type this now, she’s playing on the swing-set with her brother running between the swing and the slide.  She seems so very normal to me, and most people might look at her and not think twice about her behavior, but I’m watching a miracle.

Also, tomorrow will be Cora’s very first dance recital.  Cora has been dancing since before she could walk.  She would wiggle to the music in her car seat when we would go places in the car.  She would sit in my lap in church and “dance” to the music.  I knew that if we could ever get her walking, as soon as she was old enough, I needed to put her in a dance class.  So last fall, I put her in a ballet and tap dance class.  At first, she just stood there watching everyone else.  I kept asking her teacher if she was just too young, and she told me to be patient, and she was sure Cora would dance.  Then after the first month of just taking it all in, Cora started doing what the other little girls were doing.  She would even come home and show Donnie and me her dance moves that she had learned, and she even “bows” after her living room performances.  So as I sit in that school auditorium tomorrow, along with hundreds of other parents watching their kids dance, many of them will be proud and be glad their kid is doing well, but I’m going to have tears knowing that I’m witnessing a miracle.  Once again, God delivers.

Well we’re on the cusp of more miracles going on in our lives, and I’m asking something of you, my readers.  We need your prayers!  I want to absolutely flood the gates of Heaven with prayers for these miracles, and I have faith that God will hear and answer our prayers.  For the past few weeks, Clay has been consuming small amounts of citrus, something that he has not ever been able to do because it causes him such terrible belly pain.  His GI doctor told us that if a person is going to outgrow the extreme version of reflux that he has, he would have outgrown it by age one.  If he still had it at age one, then this would be something he would deal with forever.  But we think God has other plans than what some human “expert” says on the matter.  At 6 1/2 years old, Clay really might be outgrowing the reflux.  Only time will tell.  He’s handled the small amounts he’s been consuming for the past few weeks, and we’re slowly working our way up.  He still hasn’t eaten any oranges (just things with citric acid, like candy and capri-sun), but this is something he has ALWAYS wanted to eat because in his words, “They smell sooooo good, I wish I could eat them.”  Nothing is too big for God.  I believe Clay is going to eat oranges one day very soon and love them, and I hope and pray they don’t hurt his belly.

The second miracle I hope and pray is happening is with Cora.  She has had her feeding tube now for over two years.  She has gone through cycles before where she eats nothing or eats a little.  She has had cycles where she eats as much as 500 calories in a day, which is 50% of what she needs.  A few months ago, around Christmas, her medication got really messed up, and she was refusing to eat because her belly felt so gross.  Insurance was being a big pain, and she wasn’t getting what she needed.  I had to go to bat for her, because as her mom, that’s what I do.  I spent countless hours on the phone with the insurance company and the doctor’s office, and around February, she was finally getting the medication her body needs, and she was feeling better enough that she started eating and drinking some again.  And since February, she has been eating a little bit more and more, and I started cutting out tube feedings here and there.  About a month ago, I was tube feeding her twice a day, and I was so scared that she had lost weight, but after a trip to the doctor for some out of control eczema, we found out she had GAINED weight since her last weigh-in at Christmas.  Amazing!  Then after that, she started eating even more, and for the past week, I haven’t tube fed her at all!!!  I’ve never been able to go this long without tube feeding her, but she has been eating and drinking like any normal 3-year-old would.

So here’s what I need from all of you amazing prayer warriors.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray that this isn’t just one of her “cycles” where she’ll eventually go back to eating nothing, but pray that this is all the new trend and things really are improving.  She has to go at least a full year of no tube feeds for the doctors (and me!) to be ready to take out the feeding tube.  Her GI doctor wants her to be sick at least once and not get dehydrated before taking the tube out.  But after all that I have seen and witnessed, I believe God can and will heal this child to the point that she can sustain herself by mouth.

And PLEASE pray that we can continue giving Clay more and more acidic foods without it hurting his belly!

Let’s all witness these miracles together!!

Summer is Here!

Summer officially began a week ago!

Clay graduated from kindergarten, and when school starts in the fall, he’ll be a big first grader, going to school all day long, instead of the half days that he did this past school year.  I’m so proud of him for his year in kindergarten.  In his class, they chart behavior using colors.  Each day, everyone starts out on GREEN.  Then if they misbehave once, they flip to YELLOW.  If they misbehave two or more times, they flip to RED.  And Clay was so well behaved that he stayed in GREEN the entire school year!  He has also learned how to read this school year and scored very high on his reading exam at the end of the year.  And, like each of his parents, Clay’s favorite subject in school is math.  Donnie and I both are very good at math, so it makes sense that Clay has a good healthy dose of “math genes”.  He’s going to do just fine in First Grade, and he’s going to love it.

Cora finished up her half year in preschool making all sorts of progress on her IEP goals.  She’s verbalizing a LOT, and actually trying to talk and learn new words.  She repeats sounds and actually attempts to speak instead of just resorting to crying for whatever she wants.  Cora was also very well behaved in school, despite having a ton of attitude here at home.

We spent Memorial Day as a family hiking at Clifty Falls.  It was such a nice day and we had a blast out in the wilderness looking at the beautiful falls.  I hope we go back again this summer!

Then, the BIG BIG news of last week was us getting a kitten!  Donnie and I have never had a pet since we’ve been married.  I have wanted a cat for awhile, but could never convince Donnie.  Then a few weeks ago, a friend of mine posted a picture of 3 kittens that her mom was trying to find homes for, and I absolutely fell in love with this little gray kitten.  After a LOT of discussion, Donnie finally agreed and said we could adopt her!  So on our first real official day of summer, the kids and I drove out to the southern end of Campbell County, actually very close to my parents’ house, to pick the kitten up.

She is an absolute doll.  We named her Hosea, named after the man in the Bible with the same name.  If you’ve never read that story, you should!  It’s such an amazing story about love.  Our kitten Hosea has so much personality, and she’s such a good little kitty.  She took to her litter box immediately, as if she’s always known how to use it, and she’s really patient with the crazy kids.

She’s very teeny tiny.  We took her to the vet last week, and she weighs only 14 ounces.  We weren’t sure when her birthday was, but the vet estimated she was about 4 weeks old, and her birthday is officially marked as being May 3, 2013.  She’s eating and drinking well, though, and despite being a bit underweight, I think she’s catching up.  She loves drinking her kitten milk and kitten chow and drinks tons of water.  After only a week, I already think she’s getting chubbier.  When I pick her up now, it’s not as easy to feel her ribs.

I’m excited about this summer, though.  We made a “summer fun list” to keep us busy, and so far so good!

Wacky Wordy Wednesday

Kids are so funny, aren’t they?  One thing I have learned since being a mom is that you just never know what these little brains are thinking, and you can never predict what is going to come out of their mouths!  So this post is going to be all about the silly things I’ve heard recently that I never dreamed my child would say!

Clay

Clay, as I mentioned in a previous post, has a “girlfriend”.  When he first started talking about her, I would tease him that she was his girlfriend, and he would always say, “Mom.  She’s just my friend!”  Well a few weekends ago, Clay’s grandparents were here visiting them, and he told his mamaw that she hugs him more than anyone else, and he’s pretty sure he likes it!  Then the following week, the girl’s mom shared with me that apparently Clay asked her who she’s going to marry, and she answered that she didn’t know, but then went home and told her mom that she wants to marry Clay.  This is getting SERIOUS!  We are probably in so much trouble, if we’re already dealing with girlfriend drama at 6 years old!

Clay is forever asking me to buy him things.  I really think he believes the world should revolve around him.  Well one day last week, I met up with a friend of mine while the kids were in school because I was buying a set of really pretty vintage china dishes.  By the time Clay got home from school, and I had all the dishes washed up and sitting on the counter.  When he was at the table eating his lunch, he asked, “Mom, did you buy me anything today?”  I told him I didn’t.  He said, with his eyes on the china, “Well I see something new in this house.  Who is it for, and why didn’t you buy me anything?”  So I explained to him about the dishes, and sighed really big, annoyed, and said, “Mom, dishes are so boring!”  So I took his lunch plate, and dumped his food right on the table and put his plate in the sink.  You should have seen the look on his face over that one!  I started to laugh, and I asked, “Are dishes boring now?”  After getting over being stunned, he cracked up laughing, and went on eating his lunch.

Cora

Cora has always struggled with her speech.  She was even diagnosed about a year or so ago of having apraxia of speech.  She’s been in pretty intensive speech therapy for several years, but since starting preschool and being around kids her own age on a regular basis every day, that is when we have seen a great big increase in her speech.

Yesterday, after Clay got on the bus, and we were still waiting for Cora’s bus to show up.  I was eating my breakfast, cleaning up the kitchen, and packing her lunch and her backpack.  Cora was in the living room watching TV with her bowl of Cheerios.  I walked in at one point because she had been quiet for quite some time (I’ve heard it said that silence is golden, unless you have a child, and then it is highly suspicious!), and I walked in on the tail end of her crushing up her cereal into a big huge mess on the floor.  Cora stopped immediately, and she had a very guilty look on her face.  I asked, “Cora, did you make this mess.”  Then with the sweetest, most innocent face ever, she said, “Nope, it was Bubba.”  I said, “Cora, Bubba is not here, and this mess was not here when he was still here.”  She thought for a minute, and then said, “It was Daddy.”  I shook my head at her, and I said, “YOU are going to help Mommy clean up this mess.”  I think I’ve been trying to get her to talk for so long, I never stopped to be thankful that during the silence, there was no lying!

This morning, Cora got up VERY early, so I turned on cartoons in my bedroom for her to watch while I took a shower.  She kept coming into the bathroom, though.  The first time, she asked me, “Mom, what are you doing?”  Then the next time, she asked, “Are you ready yet?”  After several times in and out of the bathroom, I told her I was almost finished, and just go watch TV and be a good girl.  She answered with, “I don’t want to.”  Silly girl.  At least she was being honest that time!

Back to Blogging

I’ve taken a bit of a sabbatical from blogging, but I’m back!  Let’s see if I can get us all caught up.

Cora
Cora has been attending public preschool since January, and she’s doing GREAT!  My baby girl is growing up so fast.  She even rides a school bus to and from school, and she loves it.  Her speech is improving a great deal, and her new favorite word lately is “ready”.  Tonight she even said “amen” at the end of our bedtime prayers.

Cora has also been taking dance class since August, and it’s been great for her.  She has so much fun, and LOVES showing off her dance moves.  She even has her very first recital coming up, and we can’t wait!!

Clay
Clay has just a few weeks left of kindergarten, and then my sweet boy will be a great big first grader!  He’s learned so much this year in kindergarten.  He’s learned how to read, add and subtract, and even has his very first girlfriend (yikes!).  She’s a cutie, though.  She plays t-ball with him, but does so with a solid pink bat, glove, and batting helmet.  She’s my kind of girl… a little bit of tomboy, but still a princess at heart.

Clay has been very involved this school year playing various sports.  He played basketball at our church, and he’s such a rock star.  That kid can seriously hit a 3 point shot like it’s no big deal.  He’s playing t-ball right now, and just last week also started karate.  I love when the pediatrician asks me if I’ve thought about letting Clay try a sport or activity.  Umm… Sure, he’s involved in every sport and activity under the sun.  How else can we find out what Clay likes or has talent in unless we try them out?  Clay is just like Donnie, though, so he’s pretty decent at whatever sport he attempts.

Donnie
Donnie is also a busy bee.  He was Clay’s basketball coach and is currently Clay’s t-ball coach.  He also went back to his old job.  He left about a year ago to work from home, but in November, he went back.  And he’s very happy to be back!

Donnie and I recently had our first ever ENTIRE WEEKEND away from the children.  Now THAT was fun, and totally needed.  We dropped the kids off at my parents’ house on Friday night at supper.  Then we went to dinner at The Palace downtown, which is my favorite restaurant.  We are totally treated like royalty there (maybe that’s why it’s called The Palace???).  It’s all “fancy” food, though, so things like you’d see on Iron Chef.  I think Donnie would rather have a steak and a baked potato from Longhorn or a BBQ sandwich from Famous Dave’s.  But I love the fancy food.  Everything about it is delicious to me.  The REAL butter, the sauces, the way the salmon is grilled, and even the way the roasted garlic with all of my root vegetables is fabulous.  I practically lick my plate clean when we go there!

Then we stayed overnight in one of the rooms at The Cincinnatian.  We were so fancy for one night!  They even gave us “complimentary” sparkling wine (it was GROSS!) and strawberries dressed in tuxedos (they were AMAZING!).  And we slept soooo well not being interrupted 85 times in the night by the children.  Well, 85 *might* be an exaggeration, but still.  It was so nice getting to sleep in to whenever we wanted.

The next day, Saturday, we travelled to Lexington to see one of our college buddies get married.  Then Saturday night, we stayed in Georgetown, and again, got to SLEEP IN the next morning without any tiny people interrupting us!  It was so nice!

We definitely need more weekends like THAT.

The Big News!
And let’s see, what have I been up to?  Big things, really.  There is a reason I took such a long break from blogging, and it’s because I have written a BOOK.  That’s right, a book has been written.  It’s still in the “editing” phase, but it’s getting near being published.  More information on this coming SOON!  So stay tuned!

And the Score is… ZERO!

Cora has been here for almost 2 years.  Can you believe it?  I can’t.  When she came to us 2 years ago, she was so far behind developmentally.  I think the words they used then was “globally developmentally delayed”, which simply meant she was behind in everything.  And she was.  Poor girl couldn’t do anything on her own.  She was considered to be more than a year behind in most areas.

As you know, pretty much from the get-go, we hit the ground running with therapies through First Steps and Children’s Hospital.  She qualified for everything, and in the last 2 years, we’ve had occupational therapy, speech therapy, physical therapy, behavioral therapy, vision therapy, & feeding therapy.  We spend a LOT of time at appointments, and if you could see my calendar, you would be overwhelmed by the sheer number of things on it.

One of the cool “perks” of First Steps is when a child nears their 3rd birthday, they help GREATLY with getting the child qualified and transitioned into public preschool.  We had our first meeting with the public preschool people last week, and got the ball rolling to get all of their testing done to see if Cora qualifies.  You see, not just anyone can go to public preschool.  The child has to be developmentally behind, and it needs to be quantified in some way, because the child needs to be a certain percentage below “normal”.

Cora will be tested in 2 areas of speech: receptive (what she understands when people talk to her) and expressive (what she tells others).  She will have an IQ test.  Her adaptability and social skills will be tested.  And then if she qualifies for school, then once she starts, the vision specialist will start working with her as well as the occupational therapist.

Today was Cora’s speech test.  The speech therapist was really nice.  Her name is Amy, and she’s really friendly, and was so patient with Cora, who is not the most cooperative person, especially in regards to her speech.  Amy did the receptive language test first, and Cora did amazing!  She actually scored right where she should have, and even ahead on some of the tasks.  It was awesome watching her excel at something!

Now, her expressive language was quite a bit different.  Poor girl.  She struggles much with forming words and making sounds with her mouth and her throat.  She TRIES to talk, but it just doesn’t work.  Amy tried for 10 solid minutes trying lots of different things to get Cora to verbalize ANYTHING, she wouldn’t utter one single sound.  So Amy actually had to give her a score of ZERO.  Amy assured me that the ZERO score will qualify Cora to go to preschool there, but admitted, too, that her receptive language was so high, it almost outweighs her inability to talk.  That’s CRAZY to me, because she obviously is behind and needs help in this area, but excelling in another area *could* disqualify her from getting the help she needs.

But, THANKFULLY, she scored in the “Zero Percentile Range”.  Who would have ever thought I’d be happy about one of my kids completely failing at something?  🙂

Showered with Blessings

Don’t you just love how God works sometimes?  I’m sometimes just blown away that God loves little nobodies like me.  I’m nothing special.  But yet God showers ME with blessings, sometimes in very unexpected ways and through unexpected people and places.

Years ago, actually, Clay was 2 years old, and he’s almost 6 now, so quite a few years ago, God answered a prayer of mine in a completely unexpected way.  Here I am, an infertile woman, a woman who, with great difficulty and a lot of drugs and doctor interventions, had a very rough pregnancy and then gave birth to a baby 6 weeks early, who then went on to spend the first 2 years of his life with lots of health problems.  We were finally at the end his health problems and life was settling down, and what does God do?  Well I had been praying for some time about where God would use me for his kingdom.  Donnie is called to teach.  That is his spiritual gift, and he loves it, and he’s very good at it.  He also has a passion and a heart for working with youth.  So naturally, he is a youth Sunday School teacher.  This is just not my calling.  I’m a lousy teacher, and I don’t really thrive around all youth.  I’m also not called to work with children or babies.  I like children and babies, but that’s just not my calling.  I can’t sing and I haven’t played a musical instrument in about 15 years or more.  So that doesn’t really leave me anything to do at church, yet I was feeling very called to do SOMETHING for God.

So as I do most things that are heavy on my heart, I took my prayer to God, and asked for guidance and wisdom as to where He would have me serve.  And he answered my prayer in the most unexpected way.  Actually, I’m not even sure what made us decide on this particular Sunday to skip normal worship and attend the youth worship service, but we did.  Donnie & I went to the youth worship service, and they had a guest speaker, and as it turned out, it was a woman I have known my entire life.  Her name is Pam Glenn and she was my next door neighbor throughout my entire childhood.  Actually, she and her husband still live next door to my parents.

Pam is the executive director at a place called New Hope Center.  New Hope Center is a pregnancy care center in Northern Kentucky.  It is a place where girls can come in for free pregnancy tests.  They can go through a series of parenting classes with caregivers, and they earn free stuff.  Each class they attend, they get a dozen diapers, and can also get baby clothes or toys or sometimes even maternity clothes.  The caregivers get to pray with these girls and counsel with them and be a safe place for them to fall in a tough situation.  Caregivers to get to love on these girls and care for these girls and share Christ with them.

Now, MOST of the girls that come into New Hope Center are there because they accidentally got themselves pregnant.  Most of them are not married.  Many of them contemplate having an abortion.  And sitting in that service listening to the passion with which Pam has for this ministry and for caring for these girls and their babies, I was feeling the Holy Spirit stirring in my own heart and soul.  I couldn’t believe it.  Of ALL things for God to call me to, He was calling me to minister to these girls.

So I talked to Pam after the service, and shortly after that, I went through their 12 hour training class, and spent several months shadowing another caregiver, and then I began counseling with girls.  I answered phones, took care of walk-ins, gave pregnancy tests, and went through parenting classes with girls.  I even got the blessing of one of my girls having a baby and she brought her in for me to hold and snuggle.  What a joy that was!

Then Cora came into my life, and she started having all of her health problems, so I had to take a sabbatical from New Hope Center and my work there so that I could care for Cora and attend to all of her health needs.  All while I’ve been away, though, and caring for my baby and restoring her to health and function in this world, my heart and my passion are still with the ministry at New Hope Center.  I’ve always had it in my mind that when life let up and allowed me time again, I would go back there, and have maintained attending their yearly fundraising banquet.

Last night was that banquet.  When I first put in my reservation, I only saved a spot for myself because Donnie was scheduled to be out of town on business.  But I had asked my friend Denise if I could sit with her at her table, and she said that would be just fine.  Well here’s where God worked in an amazing way last night, and I’m still reeling from God providing exactly what I needed to hear at such an unexpected place.

I first have to explain a little bit about why what was said meant so much to me.  Since I’ve been caring for Cora, and apparently doing at least an OK job, since she’s now growing and thriving, and she is this awesome little girl, I hear a recurring thing over and over.  People area always saying to me, “Oh, she’s so lucky to have you,” or “She is so blessed to have you as her mother.”  These are very nice things people say and people offer these words as a way of encouraging and loving on me.  I know that.  But yet, it actually makes me very uncomfortable to hear because I don’t feel as though I’ve done anything extraordinary or unexpected as Cora’s mom.  I think ANY mother would fight for their little girl’s health and well-being the way that I do, and I think there are probably lots of women out there that God could have placed Cora with and they would do everything that I do for her as well.  I do not feel like I’m the key to Cora’s life.

Anyway, so at the banquet, Denise and her husband were the only familiar faces at our table, but everyone was very nice.  On one side of me, I had this very sweet couple, Maureen and Tim.  Maureen is the lady at New Hope Center who gives free ultrasounds to the pregnant gals there.  On the other side me was this very sweet man named Roland.  Roland first introduced himself and then asked if he could bring me a drink, and so I told him that I’d love a diet coke.  He very happily brought me a diet, and while he was gone, his wife said, “He’s just like that.  He loves taking care of people.”  I thought she was adorable for saying that.

When Roland came back to the table with my drink, he went on to share with me that he’s a male caregiver at New Hope Center.  This is a growing ministry within New Hope, and that is ministering to the dads of these unborn babies.  And Roland is one of those wonderful men who walks alongside the dads.  Roland then asked my story, and I told him that I used to be a caregiver at New Hope Center, but I had to take a step back for awhile because of my daughter’s health problems, and that I really want to come back.  He asked about my daughter, asked her name, and what was wrong with her.  So I gave him a brief history of her, including her needing a feeding tube and how hard it has been since she got the feeding tube.

He smiled really big, and he said, “I have to tell you.  I have a daughter who is now 53 years old, and she spent some time as an infant and toddler with a feeding tube in her belly, and she’s fine now.  She’s got children of her own and she’s a lovely person inside and out.  So I understand how you feel as a parent.”  What a blessing that was to hear him say!!!  I have found lots of parents who currently have children with feeding tubes, but never have I met someone whose child had a feeding tube, but they’re all grown up now and FINE.  I NEEDED to hear that!

But God didn’t stop there with His message to me.  Roland went on to say the most amazing thing to me.  He said, “I bet lots of people tell you that she’s lucky to have you and you are a blessing to her, and you are.  But I’m betting YOU are the one who is lucky and blessed by her.  You have a sparkle in your eyes when you talk about her that you don’t have when you’re not talking about her.  You love that little girl, and I know it’s been hard and scary at times dealing with her health problems, but she blesses you.  And she will continue to be an amazing blessing to you for the rest of your life.”

How cool is THAT!?!  So don’t you just love how God works sometimes?  I love it.

Focusing on the Positive

Is the glass half full or half empty?  Are you positive or negative?  Are you an optimist or a pessimist?  Do you focus on good things or bad things in situations?  I’m married to a man who is optimistic about everything.  He never assumes the worst.  He never focuses on the bad.  He always points out the good things in any and all situations.

Drives me crazy!  🙂  But he tends to call me a pessimist.  I call myself a realist, because in all situations, I prepare myself for the worst.  He says that “realist” is just what “pessimists” call themselves.  I don’t know about all that.  I think I’m better than I used to be, but I do tend to expect and assume the worst in any and all situations.  For example, if Donnie is out with his friends, and he tells me that he’ll be home at 10, and it’s 10:15, and he’s not home, in my mind, he’s dead in a ditch somewhere.  Hmm…  Maybe I am a bit of a pessimist!  (The first step to recovery is admitting the problem, right???)

One thing I tend to focus ONLY on the positives, though, almost to a fault, I think, is when it comes to my children.  Now, I know they aren’t perfect.  Far from it.  But to ME, they are perfect.  In their imperfections, I love watching their improvement, and I love seeing them overcome things.

Well that’s especially true of Cora.  Poor girl, she’s always been so far behind and had so many delays and health problems, and for a long time, that’s ALL we could focus on.  She was literally fighting for her life for a while, and that was hard.  Then we headed down this long road of therapies to improve on her delays.  And it has been HARD WORK, for all of us.

There have been moments during all of this that will stick with me forever.  There have been things done or said that I’ll never forget and have actually changed who I am as a person.  The first one being a doctor telling me that Cora will never walk or run or dance, and after I hit rock bottom and cried for 2 days, my pessimistic little self picked back up and decided that no one is going to tell me that.  No one is going to tell me that she’s “never” going to accomplish something or she “can’t” do something.  I won’t allow that language in my house, and I will never let my children say those things to themselves.  That was a turning point in our family.

Another moment was the day our GI doctor told me to stop treating Cora like a “sick girl” (never mind we basically LIVED at the hospital), and treat her like my daughter.  Now, you might be thinking that that’s harsh, and he had no business saying that, but it was what I needed to hear and it was yet another turning point for us.  I wasn’t treating Cora like a person.  I was treating her like a malnourished sick person, and I could only see her flaws, and it was not good for any of us, but especially not good in our mother/daughter relationship.  I wasn’t never enjoying anything about her, and she probably wasn’t enjoying any part of me either.  But the GI doctor told me that I needed to trust him to do his job, and he would focus on keeping her alive, and I just needed to focus on loving and raising her.  Well.  As hard as that was to hear, it was a turning point.  I started being more FUN with Cora, and I started giving her LIFE experiences rather than just medical experiences and therapies.  Although those things are fine, and are completely necessary to Cora’s life, having FUN with her and allowing her and even teaching her to be a child were completely necessary to her well-being and to her quality of life.

Well the biggest thing that came out of this turning point for us is that I started actually rejoicing with Cora’s accomplishments.  I think without the turning point, I might view her accomplishments as “well it’s about time”, rather than rejoicing her hard work and being glad that she is doing things that she has struggled so long with.  And out of this has also come that I am VERY defensive about her accomplishments, and I HATE when people are too focused on the things she can’t do.

Part of my job as a special needs mom is attending meetings every few months about her development and her therapies.  I also have to sit through development testing, which is basically trying to get her to do things she can’t do so they can rank her and decide where she falls developmentally.  This is SO HARD for me, and always just feels like all people do is pick on her delays and just make this laundry list of things she just can’t do.  I feel like crying after these tests and meetings.

As Cora gets closer to her 3rd birthday, where she’ll age out of First Steps, where she’s been getting therapy for the last 2 years, she’ll be transitioned into public preschool, and then she’ll get all of her therapy there.  Well to do that, she has to be tested, and she HAS to FAIL in order to be accepted.  My defenses go way up before it even starts because at the very core of acceptance is failure.

Our first meeting with them was in July, with all of Cora’s First Steps therapists and a representative from the school system.  We basically just laid it all out there and the preschool representative took a ton of notes.  Then our next meeting was last Friday.  I was so nervous, almost sick to my stomach, about it.  So I asked some friends to be praying about this meeting.

And the meeting couldn’t have gone any better!  We met with a school counselor, a school psychologist, an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, and a vision specialist.  They had us tell Cora’s history, and they really wanted to know about her progress.  We talked some about our “concerns” with her development, but they were much more focused on her progress and how hard she works at learning.  They wanted to know and understand Cora as a person, and they wanted to know more about how she learns best, what works with her, what doesn’t.  They are busy building a learning plan that is totally suited to Cora.

I felt so good of what came out of this meeting!  Moving forward, she still is going to be tested by all of these specialists, and then we will reconvene sometime in December to create her IEP, but I feel good about it.  These people were apparently very good at their jobs, and they really do seem to care about children.  Cora isn’t just a number to them, and I feel good about handing my baby over to them for them to teach her.  And I really do trust my instinct on this because I am a fairly decent judge of character.  I have a pretty good sense when I meet someone of knowing whether I can trust them or not, and I’m especially good when making judgements for my kids.  I know that when Cora starts full time preschool in January, she’s going to be in good hands.  She’s going to grow and thrive and learn and be loved, and I’m excited for her.  I love this little girl so much, and I just want the very best for her all the time, and I think she is getting the very best.

The Good, the Bad, and the Catch 22

We’ve had a lot going on around here lately with Cora, and I apologize that I haven’t been keeping my blog up-to-date about everything.  Life is just busy, and before you know it, I’m waaaaay behind and have lots to catch up on, but I’m going to do my best to catch you up on Cora’s health and development situation.

The Good

As you know, Cora has been in tons of therapies for the past almost 2 years of her life because she’s so developmentally behind.  When she first started therapy, she was 13 months old, and was overall as much as 10-12 months behind.  About every 6 months, they put Cora through a series of tests and score her with what “age” her development says she is.  And, every 6 months or so, she usually scores about a year behind.  Now, her overall development age is always brought down by her speech because her speech is probably more than a year behind, and her physical and occupational age is always a little more ahead and  not quite a full year behind, but it always averages to about a year behind.

Well, 6 months ago, they did a test at the hospital during occupational therapy called the Peabody test.  And what this tests, basically, is just her motor skills.  It does not take into account her language or communication skills.  6 months ago, she was roughly 10-12 months behind.  Well they did the test on Cora a few weeks ago, and I have to say, I thought she had failed miserably.  She was in a horrible, uncooperative mood that day, and she really seemed to struggle with some of the things they had her do.  I felt very sad leaving that day, and dreaded getting the results back.  I just hate that everything is so hard for her, and nothing seems to go her way.

2 weeks after they tested her, though, we got the results, and the AMAZING news is that Cora’s motor skills are now only 4 months behind.  Let.  That.  Sink.  In.  Seriously!  6 months ago, she was as much as a year behind, and now, she’s only 4 months behind!!!!  This little girl has worked VERY hard over the past 6 months, and she’s getting caught up!  AMAZING!!!

I cried, of course.  🙂  Tears of pure joy.  I’m just so proud of how hard she’s working.

The other bit of good news around here is that Cora has started eating and drinking a little bit more, to the point that we have started being able to eliminate some of her tube feeds.  A year ago…. heck, just a few months ago…. she was 100% tube fed.  And now she actually gets some of her nutrition orally!

The Bad

But of course, good news never seems to ever JUST be good news around here.  We have bad news too.  Cora has officially lost weight.  She’s down nearly a pound since her last feeding team appointment.  A few months ago, she weighed 13.1 kg (for you civilians, that’s roughly 28.88 lbs.), and as of this morning at her feeding team appointment, she weighs 12.4 kg (27.34 lbs).

You see, Cora’s belly, one of her many problems, is that she can’t handle much volume at all, or she’s in terrible pain.  She can only tolerate about 2 ounces of food or drink in her belly.  Too much more than that, and she’ll actually throw up.  A little more than that, and she cries because her belly hurts.

So with her eating and drinking more, for volume reasons alone, I have to skip feeds during the day, or it will hurt her, and she would likely throw up.  BUT, it is HARD to get enough calories into such a small volume, and therefore she isn’t consuming enough calories to skip her feeds.  And so she lost weight.

Now, the flip side of that, and some might even say that the argument to that is Cora actually did grow in height.  At her last feeding team appointment, she was 88 cm (34.65 inches), and today, she was 91.5 cm (36 inches).  That’s HUGE growth.  She has also done tremendously well with her development, and her brain even grew a little bit (which makes sense, because when a 2-year-old consumes calories and fat, it feeds the brain first because the brain needs it the most).

So, while it’s not great news that she actually lost weight (because in all honesty, a child should never lose weight), it’s not terrible news either.

Of course, as her mother, and as the person who, aside from Cora, works the hardest at her weight and growth and development, I am still taking it VERY hard that she lost.  It feels like a failure, even though I’ve been told repeatedly today – even by medical professionals, and even by the one medical professional at Children’s that I don’t care much for – that this is not a failure.

They did, of course, change up her blend.  Her base for the past year has been coconut milk, but they are now wanting her base to be Boost 1.5, which will increase the calories TREMENDOUSLY.  They also want me to start adding more butter and cheese and high calorie dips and sauces to her food to also try and increase her oral calories, and just hopefully over time (as it has been with all other things in Cora’s life), all of this will improve, and each day just brings us one day closer to that tube coming out.

The Catch 22

The catch 22 is, of course, finding that right balance for Cora.  She’s so complex sometimes.  You know, the less we tube feed her, the more likely she is to swallow food and drink.  But she doesn’t gain weight.  The more we tube feed her, although she does gain weight, then she doesn’t eat by mouth.  So what to do, who knows, other than continuing to trial and error with finding that right balance for her.  And, of course, as always, lay this child and her health right at the foot of the cross.  With Christ, ALL things are possible.  He is the great physician and the healer of all things.  And my faith is always in him, which always means also having faith in his timing.

What Must I Do To Be Saved?

“Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.”  Acts 16:31

It’s that easy.  Really.  SO easy that a child can do it.  In fact, in Matthew 19:14, “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’”

Donnie & I are Christians, and we are raising our children in church and teaching them what we believe.  We believe that Jesus is the son of God.  We believe He chose to die on a cross as a living sacrifice for our sins.  And if we accept Jesus in our hearts and have a personal relationship with Christ, then when we die, we believe that we will go to Heaven.  Simple as that.

We take our kids to church every week.  We pray with them every day, sometimes multiple times a day.  We pray for our children individually every day, and we pray that they will grow up to love Christ and have personal relationships with him, like we do.

And kids are so awesome.  One of my favorite things as a mom, all religious beliefs aside for a moment, is seeing the world through their eyes.  I love watching them learn things that I take for granted.  I love watching the joy on their faces when they create something with their own hands.  I love watching them explore and discover the world and have new experiences in the world around them.  I love watching them develop friendships with other children.  I love watching their faces light up when they get to play with their grandparents, or their cousins, or their aunts and uncles.  Now enter God.  Kids have this amazing draw to God.  They don’t have the skepticism that a lot of grown-ups have, and they love learning about God and they love just loving God.

Clay is no exception to this.  Many of you know that Clay’s life didn’t start out so great.  I had a HORRIBLE pregnancy with him, one where I literally begged God for Clay’s life for the ENTIRE pregnancy.  Had my pregnancy been normal, I probably wouldn’t have prayed so fervently for that, and I probably would have just taken his health for granted.  Then when he was a baby, he had a ton of health problems, many of which were life threatening.  And again, I covered this boy in prayer.  I immersed him in the healing power of the creator of the universe.  And I think through all of that, the holy spirit was strong in his life, and from early on, his belief in Jesus and his belief in the power of prayer was stronger than a lot of people who have been Christians for years.

Clay is also one that asks a TON of questions, and he’s really amazing at asking theological questions, good ones, and really seems to “get it” when I answer him.

Sunday was no different with his questions.  We were actually relaxing here at home, watching one of our favorite shows as a family, Restaurant Impossible.  Clay was sitting next to me, and he really quietly asked me, “Mom, what is baptism?”

My biggest challenge, always, in answering Clay, is answering him in a way that he can understand.  I want to be clear and honest, and I don’t want him to feel confused.  So I said, “What do you know about baptism?”

He said he didn’t know, really, just that it was “in water”.  I went from there, and I said, “Yep, it is in water.  Baptism actually means ‘to dip’, and as Baptists, we believe that once a person asks Jesus for forgiveness and ask Him to live inside our hearts forever, Baptism is our way of showing our church and our family and our friends that we love Jesus and He lives in our hearts.”  Then I asked if he understood, and he said “yes”, and then the conversation just stopped there.

Then later on that night, when Clay was in the shower, he asked Donnie about baptism, and I could hear them talking, and Donnie was answering the same things I was, but Donnie took it one step further, and asked Clay if that was something he wanted to do.  Clay said that he wasn’t sure yet, but wanted to think about it.  Then he asked Donnie what did a person have to do to be baptized.  Donnie told him that he needed to pray and ask Jesus to forgive his sins, and he told Clay that everyone has sins, and he needed to ask Jesus to live in his heart forever.  Clay again said he needed to think, so Donnie left him alone.

Some more time passed, and I found my way into the bathroom where Clay was literally talking out loud, and he was weighing his decision.  To listen to his words, you’d have never guessed he is only 5 years old!  He was really taking what he knows and what he believes and deciding with his heart and his mind.  I asked Clay if he had any questions for me, and he asked me what happened when I prayed, and how old was I.
So I got to share my own salvation with him.  I was actually 8 years old, and I prayed by myself in my bedroom one day after school.  I had had a fight with my best friend on the bus, and it was all my fault.  She hadn’t done anything wrong.  I was just crabby.  I fussed at her about something stupid, and I even knew I was wrong when I was doing it, but I acted stupid anyway.  I got home and just went straight to my room and cried.  And while I was crying, I found myself praying.  I asked God to forgive me, and in my prayer, I saw that I was lacking Christ, and I need him the way I needed air.  So I prayed for that too.  I prayed for Christ to live inside me and help me make good decisions and not treat my friends like I had that afternoon.

Then I went and told my mom what I’d done, and that next Sunday in church, I walked the aisle during the invitation at the end of service, and I told my pastor what I had done.  Then a few weeks later, I was baptized.

I then asked Clay if that sounded like something he wanted to do, and he smiled at me and said, “Yes, I think it is.”  So that night at bedtime, we all held hands, and Clay prayed the sweetest and really one of the simplest prayers I’ve ever heard.  He said, “Jesus, thank you for loving me.  Please forgive me of my sins and help me tell the truth and will you please live in my heart forever.  Thank you for living in my heart forever.”  Loved it!!!

It is a night I NEVER want to forget!!!  As a Christian mom, there is hands down no greater joy than my child accepting Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior!!!!

Thank you, Jesus, for the blessing of being there and witnessing my child discover you, accept you into his precious heart.  Thank you always for this sweet boy’s spirit and for his view on the world and even on you.  My own relationship with you has grown because of this boy, and for that I am eternally grateful.

**P.S.** If you are reading this, and you do not have Christ in your heart, and you want to know more, please contact me!  Leave a comment, and let’s talk, or click here to read more about the plan of salvation.  I’d love to share more with you about my faith!  My prayer is that everyone have this joy and this peace and this hope that I have.  Thanks for reading!!

Inked!

Well I finally did it.  I got a tattoo!  I’ve wanted to for a really long time.  Years, probably.  My brother got a tattoo a long time ago, and I always liked his.  But I never could decide what I wanted or where.  I mean, getting a tattoo is kind of a big deal because of its permanency, and let’s admit it… the pain.  It had to be something that I would going LOVE for a very long time, and I think that having one that really means something to me will be the best, and up until the last few years, nothing really has affected me deeply enough to get a tattoo.

But the last several years of my life have changed who I am as a person.  Over 8 years ago, God started growing and strengthening my faith with a series of back-to-back life events that probably could have broken me, but it didn’t.  My faith has strengthened and grown more than I ever thought possible, and all because of what God has brought me through.  I’ve come through infertility, high risk pregnancy, medically fragile children (that’s right – both of them!), and adoption.  I’ve lived through my childhood church splitting and the pastor, who baptized me as a little girl and who married Donnie & me, stole a bunch of money and went to prison for over 2 years.

Believe me, life is VERY DIFFERENT from what it was before all of that, and while life still isn’t PERFECT, by any means, but after all this, I finally knew what I wanted my tattoo to be.

I wanted the words “walk by faith”, and I really wanted them in a place that I could see them.  You see, I’ve learned that every step I take in this life, no matter what situation or circumstance, I must take them in faith.  I must rely completely on God.  I never know what my next step on this journey of life will take me, but if I walk with my faith in God, He will get me through it.

And I also took into consideration that getting a tattoo is literally scarring my body, but then that’s kind of the point.  Through all this time God has been strengthening and deepening my faith, my heart has been scarred.  And scars aren’t a bad thing.  Scars are a sign of healing.  And since my heart already has these scars, then I wanted a scar on the outside of my body as a constant reminder to myself that I have been through pretty awful things and have survived.  I am a much better person, a much better wife, and a much better mother now that I’ve been through all that I have.

So, for that reason, I have my very first tattoo, which I’m really excited about!  I think it’s turned out so great!

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